FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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