This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
