Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
