and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
