mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
