I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
