just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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