I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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