Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
