I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
