dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
