Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
