FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
