Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
