dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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