...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
