the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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