Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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