Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
