You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
