If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
