You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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