I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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