honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
