I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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