this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
