he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
