Why does Corona taste like a burp?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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