I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
