Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
