You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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