WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish I only lived at night.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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