I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
