Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
