so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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