Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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