It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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