Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
