you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
