My first STD was from a foam party
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
