When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
