I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
