how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
