oh fat girl friday strikes again...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
