he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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