DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
