the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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