the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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