I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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