im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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