he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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