I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dear god my vagina.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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