I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
