what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
