i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
