(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Houston, we have a blender
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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