How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
