I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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