I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
