We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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