Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
