Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize