I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
