i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize