Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
