when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
