Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
