This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
