I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
