I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
