"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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