nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Someone came in the potted fern
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
