So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
