3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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